Pushing Away to Hold On

I have this tendency of late to push a friend of mine away as I try desperately not to lose the friendship.

Makes a lot of sense, huh?

I had a friend once I met when I frequented Yahoo! Chatrooms. Believe it or not, at one time, they weren’t such a bad place to hang out. I met Denise in the Career Corner chatroom. I think I started hanging out there for new career ideas (when I was still young and stupid), but wound up staying there to help others. I was surprised at the number of kids who would want to know what careers offer six figure incomes right away. Never mind that you should actually like what you do on some level so that you don’t burn out in a few short years. I also had to fend off people who were promoting the then-popular MLMs (multi-level marketing). If you missed the boat with MLMs, they were/are the pyramid scheme of the 21st century.

Oddly enough, Denise was part of an MLM group and despite our initial clashing because of this, we became close friends. But never as close as I hoped we might be. I imagined that at some point we’d meet and hang out a bit, like I had done with other friends, but Denise was married to a man 20 years her senior and would never allow her any visitors. Sadly, Denise and I lost touch. Not because of our inability to meet, but, as I have learned over the years of having many friends through the internet, sometimes friends lose contact.

I was sad when I learned that Denise and I would never meet. We talked on the phone often and we shared a lot together. It was the first time I’d ever experienced a limitation on any kind of friendship.

In some ways, I feel like that may happen with this other friend I currently have. I don’t want to push her away completely, but at the same time, I am afraid that in the end I won’t be able to do much one way or the other. I used to feel we were close, but now I often feel there’s a barrier between us. I’m sure it’s something I have done, but I don’t know how to undo it. I value all of my friendships and to lose this one most especially would be like losing a part of myself.


6 thoughts on “Pushing Away to Hold On

  1. I do understand what you are saying here. But you should never assume that you are the cause for any boundry you may feel. For exsample, In my life as of late things are kind of turned around. I don’t often find the time to connect with my friends on or off line. This in no way means that I think less of them.. or that they did anything to cause this. On line friends can be hard because you don’t get to do lunch or touch base as much as with face to face friends. Often, when life does go crazy, it is harder to take the time to get on line. When this happends to me I hope that my friends understand. My true friends. Like you 🙂 should always know if I need them I will find them.. and like wise if they need me.. I try to be there.. eventhough truthfully as of late I have sucked at that.. sorry. IF friendship is fadeing.. or drifting all you can do is ask if everything is okay.. Some people come into our life for a breif times.. and they will move on when it is time.. Others stay. All we can really do is appreciate them while they are there.. in the short time or the longe time friends are a gift 🙂 *hugs* good luck

  2. You are a true friend to me…but I shouldn’t need to tell you that….I have been having issues here to deal with lately…and a change in work hours. AM still here though. And next time you are here..the castle will be completely open to public!

  3. They are stopping using the one in the nearby city as a maximum security prison….maybe by the time of your next visit it will all be open. I am talking about the castle that gives our county it’s name.

  4. May I suggest you simply ask your friend if there is a problem? If there is a problem, then getting it into the open as fast as possible is the best solution. In my estimation, at least.

    Your friend might just be busy with her life and her particular set of problems. Offer to lend an ear for her to vent into and see what happens.

    I know I go through similar spells with my friends. They seemingly ignore me, then all at once, flood me with comments on Facebook or messages and emails. I know in my heart of hearts they are simply busy and can’t spare the time to talk. I have to remind myself they have lives beyond being my friend.

    Perhaps its the same with your friend? You know where to find me if you need to talk.

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