now what?

i wish i knew where to go from here. it will take time to heal. i’m not even sure how i feel right now. empty? numb? hurt? lost? all of the above. i don’t really even know what i want to say here. one thing i don’t want is for anything i say here to hurt c (as she will be known here) or make her feel guilty.

for a while i suppose i will use this as a place to sort my feelings. i hope that i don’t run anyone away as i go through this. i’ve spent a lot of the day running through old posts on my blog, reliving the past. i’ve gone through emails that i want to save. i want to save every part of this relationship. every email. every photo. even our joint writing attempts. the graphics i made for her – for us. i’ve got a lot more emails to go through, but i can’t handle anymore right now. maybe tomorrow. thank you for your support. i hope none of you turn your back on c should she decide to return to blogging.

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