For the first time in my life, I think I’ve failed as a friend.
Last night I was fiddling around on Facebook when I got a private message from a friend who wanted to know what I really thought of him. Apparently he was really in a funk and my occasional brutal honesty is what he needed just then. I wasn’t in the mood to help nor really answer his question because I didn’t think it’s what he really needed to help him. I don’t think telling him what I really think of him would serve him well.
The truth is, I prefer keeping him at arms’ length. He’s a fun guy to be around and he’s good at retelling stories of stuff that has happened to him, but it’s all about stuff in the past. I also get a strong vibe that he wishes I wasn’t a lesbian. Just the way he tries to treat me like one of the guys, which is a mistake. Just because I prefer women doesn’t mean I want to be a man. When he hugs me in greeting after we haven’t seen one another in months, his hug is a bit too long.
He doesn’t have a job, but these days he’s never in town long enough to search for a job. He’s living with friends right now and last year went on a huge trip to Italy with this woman he knows who lives in Houston. He was able to go only because a relative died last summer and he inherited a few thousand dollars. I admit I haven’t always been the most financially savvy person in the world, but I’d like to think I’d have been a bit more wise with that money.
After the first of the year, I think at some point he was working up in Ohio for a few months. No clue what he did with that money he should’ve been saving. If I recall correctly, he returned in early summer and went on two more trips. He’s also bought a car. I doubt the little clunker he had provided much in way of trade in, so I haven’t a clue where he’s getting the money to pay for it. The only thing I can conclude is that his inheritance was a lot more than I imagined.
If I had to guess, I’d say the funk he was in last night might possibly be due to the friends he lives with asking him if/when he might move out. I just didn’t have the emotional energy to spend on him and I think that makes me a terrible friend since I have asked him once in the past for a shoulder to cry on.